ACT bill to give NZ what they want

My Accelerated Cloning Technologies (ACT) Bill to be introduced next week will help give New Zealanders what they want - more of ME!

As I found when I visited all 19,980 households in Epsom last year, when people meet me face-to-face, they love me.

With the millions which my Bill will provide to private enterprise for high level research, it won't be long before they will be able to clone wonderful people like myself. Another 61 Rodneys and every electorate could have one. I wonder if they could add a touch of Māori and make another 7 - then nobody would miss out on being represented by me. Come here Tariana, give us a kiss?

Wasn't I great (again)?

Did ya see me on Eye to Eye this morning? Not so sure I should have mentioned the choir boy thing though, people might start to speculate.

I had it all over JT again. Thought he might bop me at one point but I just couldn't goad him enough.

And what about the hairy chest look? Oh so swish in my tux and oh so sexy in an open neck shirt.

Guess who I've got in my sites?

While Parliament has been at rest, I haven't.

My happy band of muckrakers has been trawling through company records, school friends websites and assorted garbage cans over the past few weeks. And we have found some juicy stuff to fling.

Helen must be quivering in her (bossy) boots waiting for me to take aim at one of her frightened little Cabinet bunnies.

I'll don (sorry Brashie, no pun intended) my impenetrable cloak of parliamentary privilege come May 2nd, and squeeze off a few rounds at those socialist no-good do-gooders opposite. POW-POW.

Golly, when are they going to have another one of those spiffy arms shows. Note to self: get photographed with a free-market produced weapon next time, not one of these crappie commie ones.

Hi Russell

Look who is a signed up posting member over at my other blog. Pity we didn't nail Parker mate.

Hope you drop by here soon and post some inciteful (sic) comments. If not we are sure to catch up on my next tax-payer funded fishing trip to Dunedin.

Get off my back Roger

So when did policy discussion ever get your head on the tele? These boring old party farts like Sir Roger should realise that I am the Party now. No Rodney = no Party.

We are a tiny government party, so we only need tiny policies. And besides muck-racking is so much more fun. Parliamentary privilege is such a wonderful thing. You can just keep tossing the muck and some will always stick.

Point of order Madam Speaker.

Goin' for the big target now

I have some very reliable information about Helen pushing a kid called Brian off a swing and making him cry in 1954.

If anybody witnessed the incident please contact me. I'll ask a question or two when Parliament resumes to trap her into a denial, then WHAMMO - hit her with the full facts and witness statements.

God I love this stuff.

Don't I look swish?

If that southern hick Shadbolt could pull it off, then it will be a breeze for someone as sophisticated and cosmopolitan as me.

But I suppose I could make a real arse of myself. Speaking of which, does my bum look big in this?

Bring out your dirt

I am always looking for more dirt on those nasty big government socialists. My mate Don is just too nice to do this sort of work, put he does egg me on every time we and our ladies get together at the batch for our chummy hols.

So if anybody has some juicy tales to tell about their days at kindy with bossy-boots Helen or any of her minions, I'd love to expose it. Just email it to me or my other good mate Ian could publish it in his nice glossy mag. Beats me how he keeps running it though.

I love to (s)wallow

Spent the morning getting stuck into a plate of sticky buns pondering which Cabinet member will be my next target.

Real bugger about that 1999 letter on file. Gee, if I had been in government we would have privatised the Companies Office and they wouldn't have found shit on any file to save Parker's arse.

No hard feelings David, here have a sticky bun